In four words: frustration, aggression, helplessness and disappointment. Somehow, saying "you can't win 'em all" just doesn't cut it when I nearly clotheslined a guy and volleyball-spiked the soccer ball in the last five minutes because time was winding down and our chances of winning were slipping further and further out of reach. Thankfully, no one said anything of the sort, elsewise they may well have received a beating. Actually, Danny and Jordan were very encouraging: "Joe! You were amazing out there! You stopped like every ball that went up the middle!" I'll call this 'speaking hopefully about reality', as opposed to its alternative, 'speaking accurately about reality'. Honestly, the former suits me better anyways, because I'm much less keen on the whole truth-equals-accuracy myth than I used to be. The eye is the lamp of the body, after all...
Wow, I haven't gotten that worked up in a long time, no joke! Kathryn said that now I can relate to times when her emotions get revved up and how difficult it is to relate gracefully to other people at those times. Seriously - after the game, we wanted Icees, and so we stopped by HEB on the way home because they have a machine. You can guess what's coming. We walk inside the store to find the machine turned off. I literally wanted to take the lids and straws off the counter and throw them on the ground.
After that, Kathryn drove the rest of the way home. ;) While I certainly proved myself worthy yet again of the "Destroyer" title, neither of us had any desire to see what I could accomplish with 1,960 pounds as opposed to 196. About the time we sat down in Burger King to enjoy our Icee - finally - I could feel myself calming down a little bit. Probably the grease from the cheesy tots helped.
I need to go to bed. But first, I have something of a public rebuke. For soccer. Y'all can all listen in.
Soccer, you let me down. You were supposed to be a good outlet for energy and aggression and competitiveness, and instead of making me feel like more of a man, you make me look very nearly like an idiot so many times and make me a loser and not a winner. No, soccer, none of this "everyone's a winner" crap - I stopped buying that line after high school. So stop selling it. Seriously, soccer, you know what? Chicken butt.
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For the record, when I said Joe can understand how I feel, it is in the equally hard-to-control, unwanted "I just want to cry all day" manner caused by hormone fluctuations, not the "If you come within 10 feet of me you'll get steamrolled" manner (caused by very different hormones) that Joe was experiencing.
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