Close Call on Crappy Coffee

A little over a week ago I nearly sold myself out for recognition and compensation. These guys were doing a jingle contest and I attempted to enter, only to be denied at the last minute by the contest website (yes, I waited until the last minute to try and submit my entry, but it was a very busy weekend).

That "SERIOUSLY?!" moment was quite a long time in the making. At first, I was hoping to do the contest with this guy, until we found out he makes too much of his money as a professional musician. Oh, well. Then I thought this guy would be fun to put a jingle together with, but it turned out to be not a good time for him. Oh, well. But all was not yet lost - we have no shortage of musical talent among our comrades, so I gave this guy a call, and he returned an enthused, "let's do it!" Only, schedules didn't jive, I think some illnesses got in the way (oh, well), and long story short, it's February 27th and I've got less than 48 hours to put my song and video together.

So I decide to go solo (well, sort of - I know I can talk my lovely wife into putting something amazing together for the video in a very short amount of time, and she certainly did, as you'll soon see). Oh, and this is the weekend that we're working on the house, have both sets of family in, have our first baby shower, and meet and chat with our future housemate for the first time - but no big deal, we'll squeeze in cutting a music video, somehow.

The deadline is 11:00 PM (midnight Eastern Standard Time), February 28th. Wouldn't you know, we get to about 9:00 PM and I'm still finalizing the song, no video shot yet. We get to about 10:00 and we're just getting the camera rolling. 10:30, Kathryn's editing the video on our low-end laptop (PSA: don't edit video on low-end laptops). 10:48, the video file is exporting. 10:53, I'm furiously typing on the first of three screens on the contest website, hoping to get my personal info and the video submitted in the next 7 minutes. 10:56, the website malfunctions and won't take me to the screen to upload my video.

This is a true story.

10:59 - 11:01ish, Kathryn pulls up the correct screen on the other computer, I throw the video on our jump drive like a mad man, rush to the other room, and get it uploading.

Shortly after that, we get a failure message from the website - they obviously shut it off at 11:00.

No problem, I'll just email the company, explain the issue their website caused, and hope that someone will have the consideration to let me send in my video still, somehow. Two days later I receive a CYA response, with the applicable portion of the contest rules copied and pasted into the email. I was actually impressed how many scenarios they'd thought of beforehand, that they did have actual control over, for which they found a way to excuse themselves of any liability or responsibility.

Oh, well. I suppose the bright side has two parts to it:

1) I don't have to endorse coffee I would never drink, and

2) I have a fun song and video to share with you today*!

*Video does not constitute an actual endorsement for any products it may seem to be actually endorsing. JoeZone and its affiliates are in no way responsible for any dissatisfaction, bad tastes in mouths, vomiting, regrets, wasting of a few dollars or more, or yuckiness of any sort that are in any way connected to you seeing the preceding video and finding yourself unable to control the urge to go out and purchase the coffee advertised in the video.

COWPIE #3: Worldwide Issue Song

It's here! COWPIE #3 and my song. I'm so pumped - music writing is fun!

The prompt: Create a song, no longer than one minute, addressing an important global issue of your choosing.

I chose global warming! Or sustainability. Though, to be perfectly honest, I really thought we didn't want to sustain the warming of the planet. Whatev.

(Note: There is now a video inserted, though originally I just did the song for the contest. This is me coming back later and adding the video that Kathryn later put together since a widget I'd used to play the song in the first place no longer works.) After you listen, check out Kathryn's entry and listen to her song, and then vote (once) in the comments on one of our blogs to select the winner!

I'm posting the words here in case any parts of the song are hard to understand. You might try just listening first so you don't spoil fun surprises! Don't worry, you'll want to play this song several times anyways (at least), so there will be plenty of opportunity later to make sure you understood me correctly (which is important, of course, so that we all do our part). Also, this or this might help you understand the reference at the end...

Lyrics
Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?
There's nasty greenhouse gases and rising seas
If something doesn't change we'll all be cooked alive
Don't know 'bout you but that ain't how I wanna die

We've got to take action before it's too late
There's polar ice caps melting while you hesitate
Let's change the policies that are too lenient
Move it or lose it - the truth is inconvenient

(So now let's...)
Go green, save forests, use better bulbs
Check tire pressure on those vehicles
Reduce, reuse, recycle, but what is more
You've got to believe the power is yours

(Earth, fire, wind, water, HEART!)

You've got to believe the power is yours!

Common Play-It-Off #1: The "Sniff Catch"

I'm hoping this post will be the first of many explorations of what I'm terming "Common Play-It-Offs" - which are basically timely behavioral adjustments employed to quickly manage the perceptions of those around you. They are clandestinely desperate efforts to ensure that you don't give something of yourself away that you didn't premeditatedly intend to give away. The type of things about which those less subtle of your friends and/or acquaintances might be quick to say, "He's totally trying to play it off!" Hence the name.

Let me give you an example. Let's assume you find yourself in some form of social situation. Suddenly, something in your immediate environment tickles your funnybone. Perhaps you are in conversation and someone says something unexpectedly ironic. Perhaps you are supposed to be hard at work, though in fact you were daydreaming when a joke or scene of hilarity stumbles into the forefront of your consciousness. Within a fraction of a split-second, before you've braced yourself to withstand the wind of laughter, a gust blows through and exits out your nostrils, thus producing a slight, but plainly audible sniff-laugh, perhaps accompanied by a slight twinkling in your eyes. In yet another fraction of a second, this one no larger than the one that brought on this almost certain disaster, your mind rattles off the following: "Oh no! Did anyone hear that? Did anyone see that? Shoot! How embarrassing if they did! But maybe there's still time... maybe I can [everyone all together now] PLAY IT OFF..." Of course, this would be more of a quasi-conscious reaction - the way the play-it-off would more likely be conceived and executed in real time is something like this: ! nff. And "nff," of course, is what I would call the "Sniff Catch." That timely, ever-so-smooth save that, if successful, will have those in your airspace thinking, "Did he laugh just now? Oh, must have been merely clearing his nose."

And of course, if someone asks you how your allergies are doing this season, you know you're in the clear. Golden. (Barring any hint of sarcasm, of course.) However, should you find no forthcoming offers of Kleenex, you are then faced with a difficult decision. Do you follow up your sniff laugh and catch with another similar sniffing combination? Or would doing so jeopardize the subtlety of your defense? After all, your whole strategy here rests on flying below the radar. Friend, let me just say that I don't envy your decision in the least. All I will offer here, other than the obvious advice that you should factor in as many variables as you can in the time you have (what's your audience like - how well do you know them? are you in a noisy location - perhaps the air conditioning prevented anyone from noticing your blunder? how drunk is everyone - not at all or beyond memory? do these people even care whether you exist - perhaps if they all look down on you they wouldn't care even if they did notice?) - you know, read the situation and make an educated guess - is this: prevention is the best defense. Let me explain further in the next paragraph. See you there in a minute - I have to run to the bathroom.

Okay, I'm back. Hopefully you weren't waiting too long. Now, prevention. The key here is practice. I'm talking, stand in front of the mirror and practice all kinds of get-out-of-trouble looks (I'm a younger brother - trust me, they work. Actually, I really did get in trouble a lot as a kid. But I think this tapered off significantly as I got older, so I take that for eventually getting better at getting out of stuff, especially given the fact that I've always been a learn-the-hard-way type of guy). Especially hone in on such gems as the hee-hee-aren't-I-so-cute look (caution: this look's effectiveness can be compromised by the presence of pepper in between front teeth, or any other foreign objects), the oops-aren't-I-so-cute look (the key here is not in making your surprise come off as genuine, but in how adorable you are), and finally the oh-well-aren't-I-so-cute look (the king of all looks, because once you've mastered this one, you can pretty much get away with anything except for cannibalism and cutting in line). Also, Blue Steel and Magnum are handy options. So then, once you've got some tools in your bag, you're ready to pull them out should you totally botch the play-it-off.

So, without further ado, here it is (in my first ever blog-video!) - the "Sniff Catch":