There are two kinds of people in this world: those who think pumpkin and cinnamon go together like t-shirts and jeans, and those who think cinnamon is the quickest way to ruin any and all things pumpkin. Well, I can tell you that the folks at Melitta are the first type, having tried this today after buying it on sale at our local Albertson's, which is closing. I believe they describe it as having "notes" of nutmeg and cinnamon. Hardly. I think "orchestra hits" of nutmeg and cinnamon would be more precisely descriptive.
To be fair, Melitta's not the only one out there making pumpkin products that are cinnamon-heavy. I've tried pumpkin syrup (intended for coffee) before that had the same problem (actually, that didn't taste like anything really - except a badly mixed concoction of various "ose"es). You know what I think? I think you just can't copy pumpkin. Call me a cynic if you will, but once you get away from using real pumpkin in food, then you are left with no other course but to try and hide the fact that you don't have any real pumpkin flavor going on in there. Not even pumpkin-esque in most cases. So then what? It becomes a cover-up job. They know that people often put nutmeg and cinnamon on their pumpkin (which, admittedly, can be done right - but oftentimes is done oh-so-wrong), and so they compensate for pumpkin-deficiency by playing on your natural taste-associative abilities. People: they're playing mind games with you! Are you going to stand for that? I sure as pumpkin pie ain't.
Here's what I resolve to do, and might I recommend you take a similar course of action:
1. Only buy real pumpkin products.
2. If you must buy once- or more-than-once-removed pumpkin-flavor products, hold them to the highest standards of pumpkin-actual-tastiness.
3. Should said pumpkin products fail to meet these standards, complain loudly and publicly. I think at that point something good is supposed to happen as a result.
If that doesn't work, then I don't know what to tell you. I think at that point we're supposed to mutter something, in an I-know-it-all-too-well and shrugging fashion, about what it "seems like" society is "coming to these days".
Monday, June 16, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
In a Word: Soccer
In four words: frustration, aggression, helplessness and disappointment. Somehow, saying "you can't win 'em all" just doesn't cut it when I nearly clotheslined a guy and volleyball-spiked the soccer ball in the last five minutes because time was winding down and our chances of winning were slipping further and further out of reach. Thankfully, no one said anything of the sort, elsewise they may well have received a beating. Actually, Danny and Jordan were very encouraging: "Joe! You were amazing out there! You stopped like every ball that went up the middle!" I'll call this 'speaking hopefully about reality', as opposed to its alternative, 'speaking accurately about reality'. Honestly, the former suits me better anyways, because I'm much less keen on the whole truth-equals-accuracy myth than I used to be. The eye is the lamp of the body, after all...
Wow, I haven't gotten that worked up in a long time, no joke! Kathryn said that now I can relate to times when her emotions get revved up and how difficult it is to relate gracefully to other people at those times. Seriously - after the game, we wanted Icees, and so we stopped by HEB on the way home because they have a machine. You can guess what's coming. We walk inside the store to find the machine turned off. I literally wanted to take the lids and straws off the counter and throw them on the ground.
After that, Kathryn drove the rest of the way home. ;) While I certainly proved myself worthy yet again of the "Destroyer" title, neither of us had any desire to see what I could accomplish with 1,960 pounds as opposed to 196. About the time we sat down in Burger King to enjoy our Icee - finally - I could feel myself calming down a little bit. Probably the grease from the cheesy tots helped.
I need to go to bed. But first, I have something of a public rebuke. For soccer. Y'all can all listen in.
Soccer, you let me down. You were supposed to be a good outlet for energy and aggression and competitiveness, and instead of making me feel like more of a man, you make me look very nearly like an idiot so many times and make me a loser and not a winner. No, soccer, none of this "everyone's a winner" crap - I stopped buying that line after high school. So stop selling it. Seriously, soccer, you know what? Chicken butt.
Wow, I haven't gotten that worked up in a long time, no joke! Kathryn said that now I can relate to times when her emotions get revved up and how difficult it is to relate gracefully to other people at those times. Seriously - after the game, we wanted Icees, and so we stopped by HEB on the way home because they have a machine. You can guess what's coming. We walk inside the store to find the machine turned off. I literally wanted to take the lids and straws off the counter and throw them on the ground.
After that, Kathryn drove the rest of the way home. ;) While I certainly proved myself worthy yet again of the "Destroyer" title, neither of us had any desire to see what I could accomplish with 1,960 pounds as opposed to 196. About the time we sat down in Burger King to enjoy our Icee - finally - I could feel myself calming down a little bit. Probably the grease from the cheesy tots helped.
I need to go to bed. But first, I have something of a public rebuke. For soccer. Y'all can all listen in.
Soccer, you let me down. You were supposed to be a good outlet for energy and aggression and competitiveness, and instead of making me feel like more of a man, you make me look very nearly like an idiot so many times and make me a loser and not a winner. No, soccer, none of this "everyone's a winner" crap - I stopped buying that line after high school. So stop selling it. Seriously, soccer, you know what? Chicken butt.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Things I'm Struck By Today
Call these personal realizations, "oh, okay" moments, or just plain better sense finally breaking through to me, but I've got a few things on my mind of the should-it-really-have-been-that-hard-for-me-to-learn variety.
Tom Petty Said It Best
"The waiting is the hardest part." Lately I've identified areas of my life in which I'm "waiting on God" for what's next: housing, family, etc. Somewhere along the way, something in me interpreted that to mean, "I'm waiting on God and doing nothing in the meantime." Somehow, I need to get from there to a place where I'm living as if I'm lacking nothing. Because I have everything I need. When you think about what it means that the shield of faith extinguishes the flaming darts of the evil one, maybe it means you use it to keep all those hundreds (thousands?) of advertising messages - that bombard you constantly each day - from sinking in and convincing you, "Ooh, I need that." (Hasn't someone done the math on this? I wonder how many of these get hurled at us on an average day.) So I suppose, if I could piggyback off Mr. Petty, I'd say something like, "Waiting on God doesn't mean sitting around." (Which, admittedly, doesn't make for near as cool of a song line, but I've never exactly owned the market on cool.)
Nuance Doesn't Convey
I was watching some talk show or news cast or something of the sort the other day where they were talking about Barack Obama. Sorry if I botch the details, but what I remember was that they said he was at some kind of press conference, talking about trying to raise the general tone of campaigning above attacks and back-and-forth bickering, and at the end of his speech, the audience was basically silent. He had been very careful to state his position tactfully, or at least that's the picture that was painted of the event. Finally, someone broke the silence with, "Did you change your hair?"
God Bless America.
Whether or not the event really went down exactly like that, it's a picture with fresh relevance for me. So a couple of weeks ago in my performance review I had mentioned that I'd be willing at some point to take on some new projects, as time allows, while emphasizing that I wasn't in any hurry to do so, but that now was a good time for this, seeing as the summer isn't a busy time for our project at all. Now, I know for a fact my boss caught all the nuance bundled up in my little spiel. So I don't blame her for the fact that the next week, one of our administrators came up to me, asked me to come to her office to talk about some new projects, prefacing the entire conversation with, "So I hear you're bored."
The feeling is not unlike buying an expensive piece of chocolate to send via international mail to a relative living halfway around the world, only to have it shipped wrong and get sidetracked all over the globe, finally arriving at your relative's smushed and eaten by worms that it picked up somewhere en route. Oh, and then the relative calls you and gives you an earful about how you should have insured it. Something like that, at least.
Anyways, said admin tells me of a project I can help another coworker with. Said coworker comes to me later that week to talk to me about said project, and, no lie, this is what she says, "So I hear you're bored."
To those of you women who read my blog, I must say that while I respect your intuition and your ability to far outpace us males in terms of the general accuracy of the conclusions you jump to, I must also remind you, as the great Dumbledore once said, "With great power comes great responsibility." Ladies, please use your intuition and assuming wisely and with caution. Please, for once, take the lead of us men when it comes to wielding dangerous weapons: we don't mess around with things that can blow up in our faces, as you'll observe when we're handling guns (all the men I know are extremely cautious, even when around other men who are equally cautious). For those of you ladies who have already attained to a measure of wisdom in this, there are plenty of others around who could gain from your example! God bless you.
God Bless America.
Tom Petty Said It Best
"The waiting is the hardest part." Lately I've identified areas of my life in which I'm "waiting on God" for what's next: housing, family, etc. Somewhere along the way, something in me interpreted that to mean, "I'm waiting on God and doing nothing in the meantime." Somehow, I need to get from there to a place where I'm living as if I'm lacking nothing. Because I have everything I need. When you think about what it means that the shield of faith extinguishes the flaming darts of the evil one, maybe it means you use it to keep all those hundreds (thousands?) of advertising messages - that bombard you constantly each day - from sinking in and convincing you, "Ooh, I need that." (Hasn't someone done the math on this? I wonder how many of these get hurled at us on an average day.) So I suppose, if I could piggyback off Mr. Petty, I'd say something like, "Waiting on God doesn't mean sitting around." (Which, admittedly, doesn't make for near as cool of a song line, but I've never exactly owned the market on cool.)
Nuance Doesn't Convey
I was watching some talk show or news cast or something of the sort the other day where they were talking about Barack Obama. Sorry if I botch the details, but what I remember was that they said he was at some kind of press conference, talking about trying to raise the general tone of campaigning above attacks and back-and-forth bickering, and at the end of his speech, the audience was basically silent. He had been very careful to state his position tactfully, or at least that's the picture that was painted of the event. Finally, someone broke the silence with, "Did you change your hair?"
God Bless America.
Whether or not the event really went down exactly like that, it's a picture with fresh relevance for me. So a couple of weeks ago in my performance review I had mentioned that I'd be willing at some point to take on some new projects, as time allows, while emphasizing that I wasn't in any hurry to do so, but that now was a good time for this, seeing as the summer isn't a busy time for our project at all. Now, I know for a fact my boss caught all the nuance bundled up in my little spiel. So I don't blame her for the fact that the next week, one of our administrators came up to me, asked me to come to her office to talk about some new projects, prefacing the entire conversation with, "So I hear you're bored."
The feeling is not unlike buying an expensive piece of chocolate to send via international mail to a relative living halfway around the world, only to have it shipped wrong and get sidetracked all over the globe, finally arriving at your relative's smushed and eaten by worms that it picked up somewhere en route. Oh, and then the relative calls you and gives you an earful about how you should have insured it. Something like that, at least.
Anyways, said admin tells me of a project I can help another coworker with. Said coworker comes to me later that week to talk to me about said project, and, no lie, this is what she says, "So I hear you're bored."
To those of you women who read my blog, I must say that while I respect your intuition and your ability to far outpace us males in terms of the general accuracy of the conclusions you jump to, I must also remind you, as the great Dumbledore once said, "With great power comes great responsibility." Ladies, please use your intuition and assuming wisely and with caution. Please, for once, take the lead of us men when it comes to wielding dangerous weapons: we don't mess around with things that can blow up in our faces, as you'll observe when we're handling guns (all the men I know are extremely cautious, even when around other men who are equally cautious). For those of you ladies who have already attained to a measure of wisdom in this, there are plenty of others around who could gain from your example! God bless you.
God Bless America.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Various happenings
Howdy from Aggieland! It's a fine day and I hope it finds you... if it hasn't already. I thought I'd post a few recent life happenings, tidbit-style, to catch you up to speed on my brain waves - surf's up!
Summer Breeze, Makes Me Feel Sweaty
Yuck - Texas summers. That's what all of you with sensitive noses are saying now that those of us with sensitive sweat glands are feeling the heat. I am sorry. Generally I'm a very clean person, but thinking I can effectively manage smelling good in this kind of climate is just like thinking that one can effectively manage anything they set their mind to: it's just plain hubris.
So, I've decided to play soccer again. What better way to make the most of the least logical time of year to be outdoors and active in this great state? We had our first game this Sunday. We tied. Actually, I'm kind of happy about that, seeing as it's the first time I remember not losing an opening game while playing with the Scrubs (though memory could be, admittedly, failing me here). I am a little disappointed with my own performance, though. While I did manage to earn the self-titled "Destroyer" nickname (I'm hoping it will catch on) by smashing the face or body of opposing players with the ball quite forcefully multiple times (I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, they just got in the way), as well as one time knocking a guy down just by standing in his way (this time I got in the way, but hey - he ran into me - and yes, this did make me feel manly), I was otherwise a little pathetic, to be perfectly honest. (Or as Kathryn so frankly put it, I seemed to be getting outrun a lot out there. To be quite accurate, I would think it better to say I was "run" as opposed to "outrun", seeing as frequently the other team was running, whereas I was walking.) In heat like this, I'm afraid that if I over-exert, I may keel over and evaporate or something. But I am over 20 pounds lighter this year than last - whoop! - so that's helping quite a bit.
It's A New Month: You Know What That Means!
Actually, you may not know what that means. What it means is both Kathryn and I get paychecks! Which means a new month for our "budget". (I say that, not sarcastically, but matter-of-factly, given that I'm still warming to the concept that a budget is primarily intended to be functional, as opposed to aesthetic. Tomato, tomato. See? Who can tell the difference anyways?) Which means a new chance to not overspend. Which means renewed hopes of getting to the 15th of the month with some eating-out money left. Seriously, though, it's going to happen this month. At this point, I'm not joking around any more - I know it's hard to tell in print, but it's true. Seriously, ask me at the end of the month, and once you have heard about how we've stuck to budget this month, I'll let you buy me lunch.
Performance Review - Delusions Of Better-Than-Averageness
I had my annual performance review at work last week. It actually went really well, and I would actually go so far as to say it was something of a "glowing" review, without verging on celebrity frenzy. I say that because you're ranked on a scale of "Does Not Meet Expectations" to "Meets Expectations" to "Exceeds Expectations" to finally "Outstanding" - at which point, if I'm not mistaken, you start getting calls from people asking you to run departments and governments and things like that. I pulled off an "Exceeds Expectations" overall, which I think puts me somewhere between a firm handshake/pat on the back and a little eyebrow-raising on the part of the office bigwigs.
What's interesting to me about these measures of how worthwhile of a human being I am (other than our culture's audacity and propensity to so readily quantify people's worth) is the point of shift from culture making great efforts to motivate and assure people, not just of their potential but also of their innate stardom, to the point at which everyone is more seemingly on level playing field, except for the true stars who float above the crowds with their feet and buttocks hitting the rest of our faces. You may recall this transition in your life as the time when you went from being pretty much an 'A' student by default to pretty much a 'C' student by default. And while we've all got variations on this theme, there's definitely a point when the coddling stops and you realize that the world is saying to you, "You're not really exceptional unless you're truly exceptional." The way this seems to be communicated is, "You're not exceptional." In this context, the way someone truly does become exceptional is to elbow their way up and proclaim from the top of the heap, "I'm all that. Love me, hate me - I'm the schnitt." Sure, some celebrities and elitists do this with a touch of class, but such a touch doesn't appear to be required to be admired.
I don't really have any particular point in saying all of that, and I don't claim any originality in recognizing it, either (if I did then you might claw over me in your scramble for a better view of the blogosphere... although, I know most of my blog readership, and you are all much better people than that; and for those of you I don't know, I'm quite certain that reading my blog is already helping you to become a much better person anyway). But despite all its quirks and the bureaucratic nature of this whole review process, I'm not unaware of the significance of the process of being measured up according to this cultural metric. I just hope for a greater measure of the kind of spirit whose value is evident in the kind of redemptive tendencies I exhibit, and a shortened leash for the one inciting me to throw elbows, cross tongues and divide loyalties.
Wrap To The Rap
Well, folks, that's all for now. I'll come atcha again as life gives me a fresh batch of wordiness to cook up on here. Until such time, keep it cool, keep it real, keep it real cool, and try not to lose whatever it is you're keeping.
Summer Breeze, Makes Me Feel Sweaty
Yuck - Texas summers. That's what all of you with sensitive noses are saying now that those of us with sensitive sweat glands are feeling the heat. I am sorry. Generally I'm a very clean person, but thinking I can effectively manage smelling good in this kind of climate is just like thinking that one can effectively manage anything they set their mind to: it's just plain hubris.
So, I've decided to play soccer again. What better way to make the most of the least logical time of year to be outdoors and active in this great state? We had our first game this Sunday. We tied. Actually, I'm kind of happy about that, seeing as it's the first time I remember not losing an opening game while playing with the Scrubs (though memory could be, admittedly, failing me here). I am a little disappointed with my own performance, though. While I did manage to earn the self-titled "Destroyer" nickname (I'm hoping it will catch on) by smashing the face or body of opposing players with the ball quite forcefully multiple times (I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, they just got in the way), as well as one time knocking a guy down just by standing in his way (this time I got in the way, but hey - he ran into me - and yes, this did make me feel manly), I was otherwise a little pathetic, to be perfectly honest. (Or as Kathryn so frankly put it, I seemed to be getting outrun a lot out there. To be quite accurate, I would think it better to say I was "run" as opposed to "outrun", seeing as frequently the other team was running, whereas I was walking.) In heat like this, I'm afraid that if I over-exert, I may keel over and evaporate or something. But I am over 20 pounds lighter this year than last - whoop! - so that's helping quite a bit.
It's A New Month: You Know What That Means!
Actually, you may not know what that means. What it means is both Kathryn and I get paychecks! Which means a new month for our "budget". (I say that, not sarcastically, but matter-of-factly, given that I'm still warming to the concept that a budget is primarily intended to be functional, as opposed to aesthetic. Tomato, tomato. See? Who can tell the difference anyways?) Which means a new chance to not overspend. Which means renewed hopes of getting to the 15th of the month with some eating-out money left. Seriously, though, it's going to happen this month. At this point, I'm not joking around any more - I know it's hard to tell in print, but it's true. Seriously, ask me at the end of the month, and once you have heard about how we've stuck to budget this month, I'll let you buy me lunch.
Performance Review - Delusions Of Better-Than-Averageness
I had my annual performance review at work last week. It actually went really well, and I would actually go so far as to say it was something of a "glowing" review, without verging on celebrity frenzy. I say that because you're ranked on a scale of "Does Not Meet Expectations" to "Meets Expectations" to "Exceeds Expectations" to finally "Outstanding" - at which point, if I'm not mistaken, you start getting calls from people asking you to run departments and governments and things like that. I pulled off an "Exceeds Expectations" overall, which I think puts me somewhere between a firm handshake/pat on the back and a little eyebrow-raising on the part of the office bigwigs.
What's interesting to me about these measures of how worthwhile of a human being I am (other than our culture's audacity and propensity to so readily quantify people's worth) is the point of shift from culture making great efforts to motivate and assure people, not just of their potential but also of their innate stardom, to the point at which everyone is more seemingly on level playing field, except for the true stars who float above the crowds with their feet and buttocks hitting the rest of our faces. You may recall this transition in your life as the time when you went from being pretty much an 'A' student by default to pretty much a 'C' student by default. And while we've all got variations on this theme, there's definitely a point when the coddling stops and you realize that the world is saying to you, "You're not really exceptional unless you're truly exceptional." The way this seems to be communicated is, "You're not exceptional." In this context, the way someone truly does become exceptional is to elbow their way up and proclaim from the top of the heap, "I'm all that. Love me, hate me - I'm the schnitt." Sure, some celebrities and elitists do this with a touch of class, but such a touch doesn't appear to be required to be admired.
I don't really have any particular point in saying all of that, and I don't claim any originality in recognizing it, either (if I did then you might claw over me in your scramble for a better view of the blogosphere... although, I know most of my blog readership, and you are all much better people than that; and for those of you I don't know, I'm quite certain that reading my blog is already helping you to become a much better person anyway). But despite all its quirks and the bureaucratic nature of this whole review process, I'm not unaware of the significance of the process of being measured up according to this cultural metric. I just hope for a greater measure of the kind of spirit whose value is evident in the kind of redemptive tendencies I exhibit, and a shortened leash for the one inciting me to throw elbows, cross tongues and divide loyalties.
Wrap To The Rap
Well, folks, that's all for now. I'll come atcha again as life gives me a fresh batch of wordiness to cook up on here. Until such time, keep it cool, keep it real, keep it real cool, and try not to lose whatever it is you're keeping.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Fives Are Wild
My friend Ross tagged me and seemed to think I might respond to this. Heck, yeah! I'm totally in my element when I'm doing things that many people find awkward or beneath them. (I've got blue face paint and I'm not afraid to use it.) Besides, having been tagged by a rock star/teen idol, how could I resist the chance to take a shot at, as he puts it, "revealing how insecure I am"?
Here goes everything.
Edit: Oh yeah, almost forgot to post THE RULES:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read the player’s blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.
What were you doing 5 years ago?
Let's see, what was I doing 5 years ago today? (As we all learned in junior high essay tests, it really helps your answers look a lot more solid when you first restate the question before totally B.S.ing the "meat" of your answer.) I know one thing was just starting to breathe again as my wife finished the first of her three final years of school at A&M (after the year off she took to join me in California, which followed her first two years at A&M), and thinking how long the next two years would be until we could get the hay out of College Station. The better question here is, what are you doing today, five years after that time five years ago? The answer then becomes: Watch, and Learn.
What are 5 things on your to-do list today
(NOTE: I started this Saturday. I'm finishing this Monday, but I'm leaving the to-do list intact. Saturday's was much more interesting than today's.)
1. Wake up - check. (Starting the day out slowly and with attainable goals allows for greater momentum going into loftier and more blog-worthy goals.)
2. Help make coffee and quiche for the in-laws in town - check. (Pretty sweet deal, huh? I'm available for private parties, and also I'm a lot of fun on karaoke.)
3. Go look at potential houses - check. (We sort of are and aren't looking at this point in time - today was more of an "are" day than one of the "aren't"s.)
4. Help a friend from our ComGroup move to a new apartment - check. (Get really sweaty while carrying the things that people have to have in all rooms of their house and actually use on a daily basis - also check.)
5. See the new Indiana Jones movie - unchecked at this point in time. But the tickets have been purchased.
What are 5 snacks you enjoy?
1. Tortilla chips with dip
2. Fritos with dip
3. Potato chips with dip
4. Bagel chips with dip
5. Paint chips (plain)
What 5 things would you do if you were a billionaire?
1. Pay off the national debt.
2. Go back to school and take a class in economics.
3. Pay off my own debt.
4. Pay off my friends' and families' debts and probably the debts of a bunch of other people who came up to me and played the sympathy card (I'm such a sucker for these types of people, it's sickening).
5. Go to random stores, on occasion, and say with glee in a loud voice, "I'll have one of everything."
6. Give gobs of money to my church and other Kingdom-minded causes (in a much less showy way). And I'm not just saying that because this guy and this guy said it first.
What are 5 of your bad habits?
1. Loving shock-value attention
2. Eating way too many chips
3. Wow, five is a lot of bad habits to have to list
4. I kind of feel like that first one was worth at least two or three because it was so honest and motive-baring, but okay - I'll list one more:
5. Suddenly quitting a game because I want to, even if other people are still playing (if you've ever played mini-golf or Guesstures with me, you'll know what I'm talking about).
What are 5 places you have lived?
1. Crappy house in Pasadena, TX (a.k.a. Stinkadena)
2. Nicer house in Pasadena, TX (this location smelled a little better)
3. Malibu, CA (if you haven't heard my celebrity stories, I've got a few good ones I can tell sometime)
4. Agoura Hills, CA (through "the Canyon" - this is where Kathryn and I had our first apartment! 500 sq. ft., $670/mo.)
5. Bryan/College Station, TX (hullabaloo connect the dots)
What are 5 jobs you've had? (These will appear in chronological order)
1. Grocery sacker (I was pretty spickin' good at keeping cold items together and totally dominating the canned vegetables, back in the day)
2. Lifeguard (I wasn't actually very good at this)
3. Chick-Fil-A customer satisfaction artist (actually, I don't know what my official job title was, and I only worked there a month because my parents wanted me to focus more on school, but this was a pretty sweet job because you could eat the "employee meals" for $1, which basically consisted of as many of those nuggets and fries as you could fit on a plate)
4. General student worker (I paid my dues for all four years of college...)
5. Various office jobs/Research Assistant (something about wondering whether people noticed that I'd already paid those dues in college - but somehow you continue to pay them long after. I have to be pretty vague here because I'm actually the first name that comes up when I google myself, and most of my current co-workers are either web-savvy or outright techie. Actually, the job I'm at right now is pretty sweet, so it's not like I have a lot to vent about out here in Cyber-topia.)
What 5 people do you want to tag?
1. My wife (seeing as she's working on one of these posts but hasn't published it yet, I'd say this timing works out well; hers will be quite a formidable post, seeing as she's hilarious in her own right, but I can almost bet money on my post being way longer, so I'm not too worried)
2. Thad (he can't ignore the impatient crowds forever)
3. Danny (seeing as he's recently gotten back into blogging, I thought I'd be nice and send all my incredible scores of web-traffic his way)
4. Britt (who is currently suffering from major blog-frost)
5. Cory (another blog-frosty, but ought to be able to craft something hecka interesting)
Here goes everything.
Edit: Oh yeah, almost forgot to post THE RULES:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read the player’s blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.
What were you doing 5 years ago?
Let's see, what was I doing 5 years ago today? (As we all learned in junior high essay tests, it really helps your answers look a lot more solid when you first restate the question before totally B.S.ing the "meat" of your answer.) I know one thing was just starting to breathe again as my wife finished the first of her three final years of school at A&M (after the year off she took to join me in California, which followed her first two years at A&M), and thinking how long the next two years would be until we could get the hay out of College Station. The better question here is, what are you doing today, five years after that time five years ago? The answer then becomes: Watch, and Learn.
What are 5 things on your to-do list today
(NOTE: I started this Saturday. I'm finishing this Monday, but I'm leaving the to-do list intact. Saturday's was much more interesting than today's.)
1. Wake up - check. (Starting the day out slowly and with attainable goals allows for greater momentum going into loftier and more blog-worthy goals.)
2. Help make coffee and quiche for the in-laws in town - check. (Pretty sweet deal, huh? I'm available for private parties, and also I'm a lot of fun on karaoke.)
3. Go look at potential houses - check. (We sort of are and aren't looking at this point in time - today was more of an "are" day than one of the "aren't"s.)
4. Help a friend from our ComGroup move to a new apartment - check. (Get really sweaty while carrying the things that people have to have in all rooms of their house and actually use on a daily basis - also check.)
5. See the new Indiana Jones movie - unchecked at this point in time. But the tickets have been purchased.
What are 5 snacks you enjoy?
1. Tortilla chips with dip
2. Fritos with dip
3. Potato chips with dip
4. Bagel chips with dip
5. Paint chips (plain)
What 5 things would you do if you were a billionaire?
1. Pay off the national debt.
2. Go back to school and take a class in economics.
3. Pay off my own debt.
4. Pay off my friends' and families' debts and probably the debts of a bunch of other people who came up to me and played the sympathy card (I'm such a sucker for these types of people, it's sickening).
5. Go to random stores, on occasion, and say with glee in a loud voice, "I'll have one of everything."
6. Give gobs of money to my church and other Kingdom-minded causes (in a much less showy way). And I'm not just saying that because this guy and this guy said it first.
What are 5 of your bad habits?
1. Loving shock-value attention
2. Eating way too many chips
3. Wow, five is a lot of bad habits to have to list
4. I kind of feel like that first one was worth at least two or three because it was so honest and motive-baring, but okay - I'll list one more:
5. Suddenly quitting a game because I want to, even if other people are still playing (if you've ever played mini-golf or Guesstures with me, you'll know what I'm talking about).
What are 5 places you have lived?
1. Crappy house in Pasadena, TX (a.k.a. Stinkadena)
2. Nicer house in Pasadena, TX (this location smelled a little better)
3. Malibu, CA (if you haven't heard my celebrity stories, I've got a few good ones I can tell sometime)
4. Agoura Hills, CA (through "the Canyon" - this is where Kathryn and I had our first apartment! 500 sq. ft., $670/mo.)
5. Bryan/College Station, TX (hullabaloo connect the dots)
What are 5 jobs you've had? (These will appear in chronological order)
1. Grocery sacker (I was pretty spickin' good at keeping cold items together and totally dominating the canned vegetables, back in the day)
2. Lifeguard (I wasn't actually very good at this)
3. Chick-Fil-A customer satisfaction artist (actually, I don't know what my official job title was, and I only worked there a month because my parents wanted me to focus more on school, but this was a pretty sweet job because you could eat the "employee meals" for $1, which basically consisted of as many of those nuggets and fries as you could fit on a plate)
4. General student worker (I paid my dues for all four years of college...)
5. Various office jobs/Research Assistant (something about wondering whether people noticed that I'd already paid those dues in college - but somehow you continue to pay them long after. I have to be pretty vague here because I'm actually the first name that comes up when I google myself, and most of my current co-workers are either web-savvy or outright techie. Actually, the job I'm at right now is pretty sweet, so it's not like I have a lot to vent about out here in Cyber-topia.)
What 5 people do you want to tag?
1. My wife (seeing as she's working on one of these posts but hasn't published it yet, I'd say this timing works out well; hers will be quite a formidable post, seeing as she's hilarious in her own right, but I can almost bet money on my post being way longer, so I'm not too worried)
2. Thad (he can't ignore the impatient crowds forever)
3. Danny (seeing as he's recently gotten back into blogging, I thought I'd be nice and send all my incredible scores of web-traffic his way)
4. Britt (who is currently suffering from major blog-frost)
5. Cory (another blog-frosty, but ought to be able to craft something hecka interesting)
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Common Play-It-Off #1: The "Sniff Catch"
I'm hoping this post will be the first of many explorations of what I'm terming "Common Play-It-Offs" - which are basically timely behavioral adjustments employed to quickly manage the perceptions of those around you. They are clandestinely desperate efforts to ensure that you don't give something of yourself away that you didn't premeditatedly intend to give away. The type of things about which those less subtle of your friends and/or acquaintances might be quick to say, "He's totally trying to play it off!" Hence the name.
Let me give you an example. Let's assume you find yourself in some form of social situation. Suddenly, something in your immediate environment tickles your funnybone. Perhaps you are in conversation and someone says something unexpectedly ironic. Perhaps you are supposed to be hard at work, though in fact you were daydreaming when a joke or scene of hilarity stumbles into the forefront of your consciousness. Within a fraction of a split-second, before you've braced yourself to withstand the wind of laughter, a gust blows through and exits out your nostrils, thus producing a slight, but plainly audible sniff-laugh, perhaps accompanied by a slight twinkling in your eyes. In yet another fraction of a second, this one no larger than the one that brought on this almost certain disaster, your mind rattles off the following: "Oh no! Did anyone hear that? Did anyone see that? Shoot! How embarrassing if they did! But maybe there's still time... maybe I can [everyone all together now] PLAY IT OFF..." Of course, this would be more of a quasi-conscious reaction - the way the play-it-off would more likely be conceived and executed in real time is something like this: ! nff. And "nff," of course, is what I would call the "Sniff Catch." That timely, ever-so-smooth save that, if successful, will have those in your airspace thinking, "Did he laugh just now? Oh, must have been merely clearing his nose."
And of course, if someone asks you how your allergies are doing this season, you know you're in the clear. Golden. (Barring any hint of sarcasm, of course.) However, should you find no forthcoming offers of Kleenex, you are then faced with a difficult decision. Do you follow up your sniff laugh and catch with another similar sniffing combination? Or would doing so jeopardize the subtlety of your defense? After all, your whole strategy here rests on flying below the radar. Friend, let me just say that I don't envy your decision in the least. All I will offer here, other than the obvious advice that you should factor in as many variables as you can in the time you have (what's your audience like - how well do you know them? are you in a noisy location - perhaps the air conditioning prevented anyone from noticing your blunder? how drunk is everyone - not at all or beyond memory? do these people even care whether you exist - perhaps if they all look down on you they wouldn't care even if they did notice?) - you know, read the situation and make an educated guess - is this: prevention is the best defense. Let me explain further in the next paragraph. See you there in a minute - I have to run to the bathroom.
Okay, I'm back. Hopefully you weren't waiting too long. Now, prevention. The key here is practice. I'm talking, stand in front of the mirror and practice all kinds of get-out-of-trouble looks (I'm a younger brother - trust me, they work. Actually, I really did get in trouble a lot as a kid. But I think this tapered off significantly as I got older, so I take that for eventually getting better at getting out of stuff, especially given the fact that I've always been a learn-the-hard-way type of guy). Especially hone in on such gems as the hee-hee-aren't-I-so-cute look (caution: this look's effectiveness can be compromised by the presence of pepper in between front teeth, or any other foreign objects), the oops-aren't-I-so-cute look (the key here is not in making your surprise come off as genuine, but in how adorable you are), and finally the oh-well-aren't-I-so-cute look (the king of all looks, because once you've mastered this one, you can pretty much get away with anything except for cannibalism and cutting in line). Also, Blue Steel and Magnum are handy options. So then, once you've got some tools in your bag, you're ready to pull them out should you totally botch the play-it-off.
So, without further ado, here it is (in my first ever blog-video!) - the "Sniff Catch":
Let me give you an example. Let's assume you find yourself in some form of social situation. Suddenly, something in your immediate environment tickles your funnybone. Perhaps you are in conversation and someone says something unexpectedly ironic. Perhaps you are supposed to be hard at work, though in fact you were daydreaming when a joke or scene of hilarity stumbles into the forefront of your consciousness. Within a fraction of a split-second, before you've braced yourself to withstand the wind of laughter, a gust blows through and exits out your nostrils, thus producing a slight, but plainly audible sniff-laugh, perhaps accompanied by a slight twinkling in your eyes. In yet another fraction of a second, this one no larger than the one that brought on this almost certain disaster, your mind rattles off the following: "Oh no! Did anyone hear that? Did anyone see that? Shoot! How embarrassing if they did! But maybe there's still time... maybe I can [everyone all together now] PLAY IT OFF..." Of course, this would be more of a quasi-conscious reaction - the way the play-it-off would more likely be conceived and executed in real time is something like this: ! nff. And "nff," of course, is what I would call the "Sniff Catch." That timely, ever-so-smooth save that, if successful, will have those in your airspace thinking, "Did he laugh just now? Oh, must have been merely clearing his nose."
And of course, if someone asks you how your allergies are doing this season, you know you're in the clear. Golden. (Barring any hint of sarcasm, of course.) However, should you find no forthcoming offers of Kleenex, you are then faced with a difficult decision. Do you follow up your sniff laugh and catch with another similar sniffing combination? Or would doing so jeopardize the subtlety of your defense? After all, your whole strategy here rests on flying below the radar. Friend, let me just say that I don't envy your decision in the least. All I will offer here, other than the obvious advice that you should factor in as many variables as you can in the time you have (what's your audience like - how well do you know them? are you in a noisy location - perhaps the air conditioning prevented anyone from noticing your blunder? how drunk is everyone - not at all or beyond memory? do these people even care whether you exist - perhaps if they all look down on you they wouldn't care even if they did notice?) - you know, read the situation and make an educated guess - is this: prevention is the best defense. Let me explain further in the next paragraph. See you there in a minute - I have to run to the bathroom.
Okay, I'm back. Hopefully you weren't waiting too long. Now, prevention. The key here is practice. I'm talking, stand in front of the mirror and practice all kinds of get-out-of-trouble looks (I'm a younger brother - trust me, they work. Actually, I really did get in trouble a lot as a kid. But I think this tapered off significantly as I got older, so I take that for eventually getting better at getting out of stuff, especially given the fact that I've always been a learn-the-hard-way type of guy). Especially hone in on such gems as the hee-hee-aren't-I-so-cute look (caution: this look's effectiveness can be compromised by the presence of pepper in between front teeth, or any other foreign objects), the oops-aren't-I-so-cute look (the key here is not in making your surprise come off as genuine, but in how adorable you are), and finally the oh-well-aren't-I-so-cute look (the king of all looks, because once you've mastered this one, you can pretty much get away with anything except for cannibalism and cutting in line). Also, Blue Steel and Magnum are handy options. So then, once you've got some tools in your bag, you're ready to pull them out should you totally botch the play-it-off.
So, without further ado, here it is (in my first ever blog-video!) - the "Sniff Catch":
Sunday, May 18, 2008
A Week In The Life Of Joe
I’ve determined that weekends are the best times for revealing how desperately inept one is at living life. Here’s the way things typically tend to shake out for me on weekends. Actually, to get a better idea, it’s best to start with Mondays – the days on which, usually, my weekend expectations begin to form. Mondays usually begin with an unpleasant discovery: that in the intervening time between Sunday night bed-time and Monday morning wake-time, a miracle has, in fact, failed to occur yet again, and I will, in fact, have to deal with each week day in due course and miss out on skipping right ahead to Friday night. Such is life (imagine that in a French accent). These types of dark epiphanies are much less common throughout the week, but have been known to occur as late as about Wednesday morning.
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